Sexy and I know it.......NOT!!

The benefits of WLS (weight loss surgery) far outweigh the risks, the sacrifices, the questions, the judgements, the worry and doubt etc  etc.  The benefits are quite attractive, rewarding, amazing, fabulous and fun.  The benefits people will see is a healthy glow, how much weight you have lost, and how happy your are. However, the process of getting there isn't as glorious in the front end. 

Right now I am sooooooooo far from being attractive it isn't funny.  Top 10 reasons why:

1. I live in PJs all day.  Tuck them under the tummy roll for comfort.  Totally look like anyone at Walmart shopping at midnight.  You know the girls in their 30's in the SpongeBob PJ pants with the muffin top....no the pound cake hanging over the top. Just need houseshoes.....set to shop.

2. No makeup.  This really isn't so bad.  I digress but I started using Philosophy skin care products a few months ago and face looks smooth, rosy and clear like a baby's bottom.

3. I am soooooooo bloated and swollen in my tummy to the point I look prego.  It is uncomfortable and there is no way to even try to hold my tummy in. Hence......see the reference on #1 to the Pound Cake.

4. My incisions (5 to be exact) are not covered by bandages anymore. They need to breath like a fine wine.  4 of them are sealed and one has to seal on it's own.  I seriously look like I was stabbed repeatedly in the stomach.  So that will be my story I will tell my grandchildren.  Stabbed in a gangwar on the streets of AL trying to defend my hood!

5. I have some knarly bruises. One on my left arm looks like I got some sort of inoculation shot for Nepal.  No joke that sucker is a knot. 

6. I have the burps. Just liitle ones but they hurt.  If I don't have the burps.......
7. I have the toots.  If I don't have the burps or toots I am not happy. 

8. Sometimes I have both and it is fabulous! 

9. Sometimes I walk like I am going to lay an egg at any moment.  With the bloated/swollen tummy pound cake I am hauling, the walk def gives me the appearance that I am miserably pregnant. People in turn are nicer to me.....at Walmart.....at midnite.

!0. The best of all.......goes like this.  Long story short, I had been doing spray tan since March to stay out of the sun and tanning beds for a change. When I went to Mexico for surgery, I was all tanned and looked like a local.  Well, let me HIGHLY recommend that this makes absolutly NO sense to do pre-op.  Between the compression hose sucking the life out of my legs, the preop scrub down on my tummy in order to disinfect for safe surgery, bandaids being peeled off daily, EKG pads being superglued to my chest, and being taped up under the fat of my tummy, around my back, and appears the girls were taped up too.......nice llloonnnnnggggggg, wide tape used during surgery. (I assume this was to get the pound cake out of the way). With all of that said, my body looks like some sort of Abstract Art Project. All different shapes, sizes, shades and crackles of spray tan vs skin tone vs glue vs bruises etc all over my body!! My legs look like that vintage crackle faux paint people would use to make furniture look distressed. 

In the lyrical words of LMFAO....."I'm Sexy and I know it!  Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle"! (Ouch, that hurt!!)